Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

Its year 2041, and president Hunter Biden has ordered every republican who sweared at him to be arrested and shot. I am on my way to the death row listening to the cheer of the Liberal mob chanting death death death. How can I escape?

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t buy bullshit

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

MIT’s Chilling Experiment That Could Prove Gravity Is Quantum - SciTechDaily

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I understand how hurricane paths work

Markets News, June 6, 2025: S&P 500 Hits 6,000 Points for First Time Since February as Stocks Surge After Jobs Report; Tesla Rebounds From Sell-Off - Investopedia

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

Reggie Miller Had Such a Fired-Up Reaction to Tyrese Haliburton's Game-Winning Shot - Sports Illustrated

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

The heaviest proton emitter: New type of atomic nucleus discovered - Phys.org

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I see through liars

What is it like to have an insanely beautiful girlfriend?

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

Have you ever had sex with your female cousin? How did it start?

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

Can you share something that captivates you, whether it's an idea, a discovery, or an invention?

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I can count

As an inmate did you have to live alongside a bully for your whole sentence?

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I know who the president of Turkey really is

South Korean stocks rise 2% to lead gains in Asia after opposition leader wins presidential election - CNBC

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I can read

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I actually pay taxes

I have complete contempt for fakery

I have a reading level above third grade

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”